I'm wallowing. Big time. And I'm well aware of it. I don't like it, but since I haven't been able to get rid of it yet I've decided to indulge myself in the hopes that it will help.
This week is week 35 in the pregnancy and it's beginning to really just wear on me. I was thinking this morning that this has been the most difficult pregnancy I've had. It doesn't help, either, that everyone that looks at me and inquires about baby's due date reacts in shock that it's still another month off. It's not as much that I care that I look quite rediculous and have had to resort to wearing clothes that I can't stand as much as I'm just anxious for the whole thing to finally be over and just have baby in my arms. They only make it worse.
This also feels like it has been the longest pregnancy in recorded history, but I realize that it's just a matter of perception on my part. Being pregnant during the entire winter and then some has just really messed me up.
And then, after all of the preparation and anticipation and planning for Easter, my husband changed the plans (on Easter Sunday) and then everything turned out to be a bust. I spent the better half of the day in tears being a sobby, hurt, depressed mess. I tried to focus on the fact that that stuff is, in reality, pretty inconsequential in comparison to the fact that Our Lord rose from the dead and it was the day to celebrate the Resurrection, but truthfully, it couldn't help the way I was feeling. So not only was that a huge, upsetting thing for me, but then I spent the rest of the week feeling really insecure (and angry) because of the fact that my husband chose to change our plans in favor of spending the day with his family (of origin)--when they treated him like garbage up until we got there that afternoon and I was the one who was supportive of him--it made me feel really slighted, and I still do (sadly).
Which leads me to the next thing. We've, as a married couple, always celebrated and participated in Divine Mercy Sunday devotions. Until this year. I am so upset and depressed about it. And I'm also really upset because I feel like my aforementioned feelings toward my husband regarding the Easter turnout show a complete failure on my part to be merciful. I need to go look up the definition of mercy in the Catechism, I guess. I'm just so frustrated and disappointed with the whole thing. WHAT A BUST.
This was a couple of weeks ago; at home with the boys.
This was Saturday night at my sister's prom; me with my brother and sister and her date.
Sorry you're feeling that way! I'm sending hugs to you! Hang in there--you'll have an outside baby soon, and in retrospect, you won't believe how quickly it went by!
ReplyDeleteThe last few weeks is so hard, I know! My third pregnancy was the most wearing on me as well. It's hard to keep up with 2 little ones while you're huge and tired. You'll get there soon enough and you won't remember all this anguish. I'm sorry to hear about the way Easter and Divine Mercy Sunday went for you. It's tough when you have certain expectations and they don't work out.
ReplyDeleteThis too shall pass and times of rejoicing are on the way!!!
Yes, going from two to three is much harder then going from one to two. I remember it quite well. You look so cute. Pretty soon that little one with be on the other side for us all to see.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy that you posted your pregnant pictures; most women don't want them posted. You look GREAT! I remember what it was like to be that pregnant. Those who left comments above saying that going from two to three is harder are right but the good news is that those boys will always have each other to play with and after a couple of months it gets much, much easier.
ReplyDeleteThink of this spring weather is a reward for making it through Easter weekend! ;)
You'll feel better soon!
You look like you carry the same way I do when I am pregnant. My last pregnancy was really difficult. I also get all the questions about my due date from people assuming I am due any day. That starts around the beginning of my seventh month!
ReplyDeleteSorry about your Easter. Mine was a bit of a bust as well.
Thanks for the encouraging comment on my blog. I think I need to go reread it right now!