Mixed Bag

The last few days I have been feeling so greatful. Largely, I suspect, due to the beautiful change in weather and being able to spend an enjoyable weekend with my husband and boys. I really couldn't believe the change in how I was feeling; it makes such a huge difference to actually be out in the sunshine!

Also, the last few days little baby's movements have been changing into more pronounced jabs and sharp, nearly-detectable body parts. Although it can cause a little "ouch!," I really like it when you get to that point in the pregnancy and can tell what's poking you. It really helps me to be able to think about the baby more concretely and look forward to seeing all those parts in a matter of weeks. I'm starting to get excited to meet this little person! (Also something I'm thankful for!)

Now there's something that I'm not very greatful for. I'm reluctant to spoil the nice tone of this post. :( But it's something that happened today and so I need to express it, process it, and beg your wise counsel if you're willing and able!

One of my brothers visited us during the day today since he's on spring break this week. It was fun to see him and the boys really enjoyed his company. But during naptime we got to talking about his relationship with his girlfriend who he was about to go spend time with. (It's a 3.5 hr drive, so it involves an evening, an overnight, and then a portion of tomorrow.) There are a couple main things about our conversation that got to me. One, he said that he'd be willing to get engaged soon (they've been dating for about 3-4 years), but that (due to the calibur of the ring this woman has selected) he wouldn't be able to afford it. And two, that he now plans to, after graduation, move in to her apt. with her and get a job in that location.

How upsetting. That whole thing, by itself, is very bothersome to me, but there is something about it overall that is even worse.

My mother died of breast cancer at the age of 48, two years ago. (Less than three weeks before my second son was born.) I am the oldest of her four children and today after my brother left I kept wondering (and yelling to myself in my head) why I am the only one who gives a rip about her wishes, how she raised us, and what she would think of our lives right now?

In addition to this aforementioned brother, another brother of mine quit attending Mass very shortly after having his daughter baptized and my sister is throwing her high school career and future away with drug-using friends, skipping school regularly, rarely residing at home, etc.

It's so frustrating for me, and also very stressful. And it also disappoints me that my family couldn't be doing a better job of being a good, positive extended family for my children. We don't have that luxury on my husband's side, either, since he is the only one of them who attends Mass and tries to live a virtuous life. (He began attending Mass after we began dating and then he came into the Church the Easter before we were married. So that whole thing is rather contentious with his family....) YUCK. All of this is so disgusting and disappointing. And it also leaves me feeling very isolated in terms of *fitting in to a loving, cohesive Catholic family and *having the support and luxury of the 'village' we're supposed to have to help us raise our God-loving children. Why can't these people see that a life lived with God is the only way to true fulfilment and happiness?



What can I honestly do?