After not posting for a couple of days, I believe I've come to a few decisions.
Mainly, that I've decided that I'd like this blog to be a place for me to process, empty into, and accompany me through a specific spiritual journey I know that I need to go on (in addition to the normal, daily, catholic mother journey that I am on and began this blog with the same intention for).
My relationship with the Lord needs healing; and I'm the one at fault. But it isn't something that one trip to the confessional is going to remedy. This has been an on-going ordeal for me for the last two years and four months, since my mother died of breast cancer at the age of 48 (six years after her initial-but not final-diagnosis).
There are many things, I'm sure, that I'll ennumerate about those six years and the last two since her passing, but this post is just to explain the fact that I'll be doing it. And why.
It's just that once I came to those conclusions, I had no idea how to go about it (it certainly wouldn't fit into one post or the Quick Takes of the day), if I should really do it, if I would turn people off and have a huge reputation as a Debbie Downer, so on and so on.
So this is my attempt to introduce the subject matter gracefully into my established genre. Here's hoping that this addition will only allow for a more complete, comprehensive, honest depiction of my daily journey and, ideally, help get me back on the road to holiness.
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Hi Diane,
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't mind if I continue to accompany you on this journey. So much of who we are as wives, mothers, and disciples is shaped by our experiences in life. I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It wouldn't be a complete picture of your life or your spiritual journey without including this particular struggle with the Lord and His will.
We ALL question God at some point. How could He let this happen? Didn't He hear my prayers? I'm certain that He welcomes our grief, our complaints, our "why's", even our anger. It means we are still communicating with Him and grappling with how to continue to trust in His sovereignty. It means you haven't walked away from your faith, and God will honor that as you work through these issues with Him.
BTW, please visit my profile and send me an email - if you don't mind, I'd like to know where you live in Wisconsin. My parents are in the UP - Menominee County, just across from Marinette. That's where I grew up and where most of my extended family still lives - I have 2 sisters in Green Bay and a brother in Marinette.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely didn't need to post a disclaimer! As Jen said, we all have pasts and struggles... making every blog post a light, chipper account of the cute things our kidssay or how to be more holy while doing housework is not expected or necessary.
ReplyDeleteWriting can be very cathartic. I kept a different blogging account that is now not public seven years ago, chronicling my leaving a first marriage, dealing with the aftermath of drugs abuse and domestic violence... my stumbles and falls as a single mom and college student, going through an anullment process, and then meeting and marrying Adam. It isn't something I can share with the public anymore, but while I was writing through those four years of my life, I seriously feel I was getting free therapy via the internet. I write out what I am feeling much better than I could ever talk it out (not that I had anyone in "real life" to talk it out with!) and giving a voice to everything I was feelings really helped me to process my emotions and get past them.
All of that rambling to say... use this space however you want. You have a little Catholic Moms community here to give you feedback, affirmation, comfort, and support.