I used to think that I had certain personality characteristics that simply made it harder for me to be a good, patient mother. But then one day recently I realized that I had this underlying thing in my mind that was keeping me constantly hurried with my children; annoyed with their spills, their slowness, the added time and effort to go places and do things with them etc. It was as if in the back of my mind I kept thinking that I had something better to be doing, somewhere or someone more important to be and my children were in the way of it with all their "inconveniences."
When this thought popped into my head, it was like a complete revelation to me! Like, "Wow, that's why I had been getting frustrated all of the time!" But the funny thing is that I KNOW that my vocation IS the most important thing and that it IS exactly what I am supposed to be doing right here, right now. So how in the world did this other competing, more powerful idea creep into my mind and affect how I was going about being a mom?
That is the question that is really bugging me. How did that disconnect between what was in my head about my vocation and how I was carrying it out come into existence in the first place? (I'm still working on solving that question to make sure it doesn't happen again, and if I never find the answer I'm just going to be continually vigilant after learning this lesson to prevent it from returning in the future.)
And the solution for me has proved to be so simple: SLOW DOWN. Go at my children's pace (which is about right these days--I'm keeping pace with my 2 year old! :) ), remember to take the time to enjoy them, and that they are not an obstacle to be overcome.
I've also been wondering since having this revelation how it came into existence. I really haven't been able to exact an answer for this question, but I'm now thinking that it was a combination of a pregnancy-induced slower pace on me and in our days and God's grace. Thank you, God!
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HI Diane,
ReplyDeleteYou have to remember that we have an enemy who wants to see us fail at being parents and following Christ. Satan is cunning in that he plants small lies in our mind - if he came right out and told us a big lie, we would recognize it right away and say "No Way". Think of Adam and Eve in the garden - the serpent approached Eve and showed her how pleasing the fruit was. He asked her, "Did God really say you can't eat this fruit?" He didn't come right out and say "You should disobey God!" because Eve would have caught on right away. But he slowly got her to believe his lies, that she would become like God if she ate the fruit.
Wow. I'm writing a sermon here. :) My point is that YOU personally did not come up with this idea that your kids are in your way and slowing you down. I've fallen for that lie many times myself, instead of recognizing that they ARE my work, my vocation. We have to be vigilant against the lies of the evil one, the lies of the outside world that tell us we should look out for ourselves first.
God bless you - you are doing a wonderful job and God is giving you the grace you need to be the mom He has called you to be!
You know, I did consider that option in the back of my mind-- It's creepy and true all at the same time.
ReplyDeleteThanks, as always, for you input, and thanks be to God for His faithfulness.
SLOWING DOWN and allowing yourself to be fully present and patient with your children will make you about a thousand times less stressed. I am so glad you were inspired with pregnancy grace, and were able to hear God in all of this hormonal mess!
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