The beautiful weather today had many people choosing their attire in favor of warmer weather styles.
Aside (a soapbox rant): The temperature high was only in the low-mid 70's. It is my opinion that, in general, people have a tendency to make extremely drastic wardrobe changes. On a day like today I see people dressing like it's 90 degrees out and I always think they're taking it a little too far when we finally get a nice day. They just don't think ahead to what they're going to do when it really IS 90 degrees outside. Oh, right, I know, they'll be sweating and whining and complaining that it's unbearable outside and then they'll stay inside in the central air all day (and waste a lot of energy in the process). If they'd only get a grip on how to acclimate themselves appropriately, it wouldn't be a problem. Yeah, like, don't strip down to nothing the minute the sun shines.
Okay, back to the story at hand. So, being that it was such a nice day today, my husband and I decided that after our family Sunday breakfast, we'd give the boys haircuts and baths and then walk to the late 11:00 Mass. It worked out beautifully. Until we seated ourselves in a pew (second from the front). About 35 seconds after sitting down and getting settled, I noticed we were seated right behind a nice family with three children. But the next thing I noticed was that their little girl (who I would guess to be 5 years old) was wearing a halter-style sundress that had a completely open back! All the way down to her waist! She didn't even have a sweater or blouse to wear while in the church AND her long hair (which could have served as a little coverage) was up in a high ponytail. On top of all this, since it was a halter dress, so there wasn't enough fabric on her chest/underarm area, in addition to it being a LoW-cut, criss-cross, v-neck style neckline. Bare shoulders, bare arms. AHHHH!
I was so pathetically distracted by this little girl and her entirely bare back, shoulders, and arms for the entire Mass, it consumed nearly all of my thoughts. That and all of the options of things I would say to her mother about dressing her poor daughter so immodestly (and for Mass on top of it) and having a responsiblity to think about protecting her daughter's purity and on and on and on.
Okay, so even if it's a little over the top that this made me so crazy, you KNOW it's drastic when my TWO year old little boy commented to me that the girl ahead of us was naked. From that point on, as if my distraction wasn't great enough, I was consumed with trying to keep him and his brother as far away from her and as close to the priest as possible.
My older son also commented to me about her closer to the end of the Mass. AH!! You know, as a mother of two little boys I feel it is MY responsibility to make sure that they learn how to view girls and women appropriately, modestly. Part of what I do is censor what they come into contact with in that dept., so it's really aggrivating to take them to church and have it sitting six inches in front of them.
What would you do? Yell at the mom? Offer her some charitable, kind words to ponder? Say nothing (like I did!!! ugh.)? And what/how much/to what extent would you discuss it with your little boys? As for my youngest's naked remark, I could only agree with him. I told him that he was right, that she was 1/2 naked and that she was not dressed appropriately for Mass and that she was not dressed modestly. I then told him that she needed to have a sweater on to cover up with. He then agreed with me and stated a few times in a row that she should get a sweater on. As for my older son, I responded to his comment in much the same way, and then I noticed that each time he turned his head in her direction he chose to squint his eyes almost shut.
Mothers of daughters, what do you have to say? I think we should work together. I'll teach my boys to respect girls/women and look at them with love, respect, and modesty. And you make my job easy by dressing your precious girls modestly. (It'll also help me and my -still- pregnant, empassioned brain concentrate on the right thing during Mass!)
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It's refreshing to hear that someone else is distracted by these things as much as I am. I think it's quite sad that a 5-year-old would wear that AT ALL, let alone for Mass. I do not let my girls wear halter style dresses or spaghetti straps AT ALL. No low-cut shirts, no high cut shorts, and no 2-piece swimsuits. (I did give in on a tankini, as long as I couldn't see belly flesh). What parents don't think about is that, if they let their 5-year-old dress like that, they will have a heck of a time getting her to dress modestly when she's 15.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are teaching your boys well. They recognize what's inappropriate. I've had my children make loud comments in public, such as "That lady isn't very modest!" Kind of embarrassing, but maybe people will get the hint if a little kid says it!
I talk to my girls very openly about not trying to attract attention to their bodies. We want to care for the body God has given us, but we want people to see our love for Him when they look at us. That's hard to do if you have a lot of flesh hanging out! :)
What I think is interesting, is the difference in perceptions here. I haven't thought about this as much as I should because I usually don't notice/mind bare shoulders and such. I notice if clothing is age appropriate for my girls, and get frustrated by little girls in high wedge shoes with rear-hugging tight pants. I notice - and get upset - if the clothes are just smaller versions of adult clothes. Beyond that, our girls wear tank tops and skirts (when the weather dictates!)
ReplyDeleteBut I'm really interested in hearing this stance from a mother of boys. You've got alot to think about with how to raise boys and how they respect girls, that I've not considered yet. I'll definitely keep a closer eye on how my girls are clothed with regards to who might be distracted...I want the boys my girls are growing up around to respect and appreciate them for their hearts and souls, after all, not their midriff.
I think you handled this correctly. I wouldn't have said anything to them either, but a discussion with your boys was necessary. It sounds like this was something that will stay with them for a while - which is what you want. Maybe beyond that, talk to the priest about your concerns and see if he can speak to the mother (if you notice that it continues or gets worse)? Or issue a general reminder of appropriate clothing for mass?
Maybe your problem will be solved by your sons' mentioning something. Kids can get away with that, and the girls will maybe start to think about their clothing in a different way. A long stretch, but it's something.
Now that I have a son as well as THREE (!!) little girls, I am conscious of both sides of the issue. It makes me so sad that immodest clothing is the norm, and that my son will struggle with concentrating on Mass because of the clothing that parents allow.
ReplyDeleteI am still trying to figure out my personal "rules" for dress. I got "Dressing with Dignity" in the mail this week, and that may help me decide some of the gray areas.
I'm guessing a new baby has arrived... can't wait for an update!
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