I've heard other mothers describe themselves as either a "Type A" or "Type B." Type A is usually associated with the schedule-minding, mess-cleaning, organized/uptight type of mom. Type B is the direct opposite, of course. This is the type of mom who abandons any such concerns in favor of playing, book reading, project making, snuggling, outings, etc.
Growing up, I had a mother who would definitely fall into the B category. Our house was a mess, we never had regular meal times, bed times, or naptimes. Even at the time I remember not liking those things, BUT, I relished the time she spent with us and the attention she paid us. I knew without a doubt that I was loved and valued because my mom always had time for me.
Because of this experience, it became my goal to show my children my love for them through words, hugs, kisses, and time. But my childhood also showed me that I value schedule and routine for me and also as an important element in the life of a child. If I were to place myself in the group I would naturally fall into, it would be Type A.
"Fine. I can reconcile this," I say. "I can do both. I can! I can find the middle ground. I can find the balance! Sure! Why not?"
I'm struggling to find this mystical balance. Still. I've been struggling with it since becoming a mother. I think the killer for me is that I'm pretty all-or-nothing-at-all. So either the boys and I are getting along swimmingly and having a marvelous time together (and the house is an absolute disaster and completely forgotten) OR the household is in decent, working order (never perfect with three little boys...) and I'm frustrated with the children for being underfoot, in the way, and hollering at them for undoing all the work I just completed.
It unnerves me that I've not streamlined myself as a mother.
Is this a struggle for everybody, or is it just me?
Does anybody have a workable solution or strategy that they've had success with??
PLEASE SHARE!
Oh man - I would love to hear if other have had success! My sister has 6 little ones and when they were smaller, she read and loosely adapted A Mother's Rule of Life. She also does Fly Lady (.com) which is very helpful for her to stay on top of things. I am ONLY all or nothing. Either we have a fully clean house and life OR it is a complete disaster and I'm too stressed to look at it so I hide on another floor of the house and eat too much. But I do concentrate a lot on getting on the floor and playing with my kids. I never had that growing up. My mom was 100% Type A! (Which helps now - she comes to help me clean and I can play with my babies!!)
ReplyDeleteOh, that's a good question. I definitely fall into the A category but I would love to be more of a B mom ... or better yet, right in the happy middle. I'm interested to see what others have to say!
ReplyDeleteHi
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through Aubrey :) This is what I tell people. I lean toward Type A-we have a schedule and do our best to follow it. I am also Type B-I do my best to set a schedule that permits me to do things like finger paint WITH the boys (because I simply can not leave them unattended too long with finger paints) or clean a bathroom while they read or do puzzles...does that make sense? some weekends we have a serious schedule because of errands or games and other weekends when I have NOTHING on our calendar except "change the sheets on Saturday" and "Sunday Mass on Sunday" we may play outside all day and skip naps and the house might be a bit messy until Sunday evening, but again, it's because we had nothing pressing...no company coming, no birthday parties or games to attend, etc.
So, YES I believe you CAN be both. I think generally one may lean toward one type than another, but I do think you can have a nice balance. I try to and of course no one is perfect, but we can always strive to have a tidy home but enjoy fun with our kids (ie: tidy for me, means if we find out someone is coming over in 20 minutes we can put things away and the house is presentable....for company, but FORMAL company! :-)). Maybe it depends on each woman's standards.
that should say NOT formal company..not but. sorry :)
ReplyDeleteMost days are type A for me, but I wish I could be a type B mom more than I am. I don't think it's easy for any stay-at-home mothers, who like myself, tend to take on more than they can handle in a day or who put more on their plate than they can finish and end up feeling defeated at the end of the day.
ReplyDeleteMake your lists short, get the things done that really needs to be done(I know I get started on one task and end up on another just because I walked into another room:), and remember to smile in knowing my kids might end up in therapy, but I know I tried my best;)
MAKE it a great day.
Thanks, everybody, for all of your comments and suggestions! I checked out FlyLady and and found that really interesting. I might give that a try at some point. And I'm now waiting for a copy of the Mother's Rule of Life from the library! So we'll see!
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