"Healing" Grief, Part 1

I keep thinking that I should comment on how things are going in the grief department, since my last few posts from months ago were consumed with my grappling with it.

Well, okay, it's still there.  Of course.  Like I somewhat concluded before, when you lose someone and are forced to live without them for the rest of your life, it's always there.  You always miss them.  You long to have them with you, accompanying you through life, through the things you're going through.  You yearn for their support, input, presence.  It's rediculous.  It's always there and it's impossible to deal with if you allow it to be constantly at the forefront of your existence.

Of course, as everyone knows, in the beginning it is in the forefront of your existence.  It's what you are everyday.  Bereaved.  Eventually, through all the pain, there is no other option than to modify your life, create different routines and habits for yourself that don't involve the missing person(s).  Although it's necessary, this process in and of itself is sad as it speaks of things like "recovery" "getting over it" "moving on."  Ugh, I can't stand sentiments like that.  Mostly because it's not true.

In my case, however, (and I always suspect God timed things this way on purpose.  At first it just seems mean, but ultimately, I think it's actually merciful.) I've been due to deliver a baby shortly after the loved ones' passing.  In retrospect, maybe those circumstances were my saving grace, since we all know how much love and joy a newborn blesses a family with.  And maybe even more than that, we know how all-consuming caring for a newborn can be.  It automatically demands everything you've got.  And then if you're like me and have three other children (six yrs and younger) that you've also got to continue caring for---you're resources are pretty much tapped at that point.  So, yes, everything else gets put to the backburner and survival mode gets turned on. 

And now, six months after baby's birth, I feel like I'm finally starting to get my legs back under me, life-with-four-kids-wise.  Grief-wise, it's still there.  Slightly dulled by my daily overwhelmedness and also by the way I've had to alter my life/patterns to accomodate their not being here.  [Notice I didn't say "time."  I can't stand it when people say "time" heals broken hearts and everything else.  It's not "time."  "Time" doesn't do anything.  It's just that it takes "time" to learn how to live your life differently and/or to mentally process and analyze the event (in the case of a breakup), get some perspective, and heal up before you're ready to try again.]

Creating a diversion for themselves is another tactic some people employ when there's something they need to be dealing with/healing from. 

[Continued in Part 2]

Is it any wonder I chose Psychology for my major?